American Idol, Top 9–Results

 

First three on the stage – Lauren, Casey, Stefano. After the nationwide vote, Stefano, you are in the bottom three.

 

Now, we welcome back Constantine to sing for us. “I Need Your Love.” Can I be completely honest here? This is reminding me of a barroom karaoke performance. Ouch. Oh well – at least he has a cute new baby to flash on the screen!

 

And it turns out the girls were styled by Gwen Stefani last night. Fun little tidbit!

 

Next three in the spotlight – Paul, Pia and Scotty. Pia, you are in the bottom three. (I’m in shock…but I think there’s a bit of the Pageant Queen in her that is killing off her fan base. Which is a shame, because the girl can SING.)

 

A fun little bit of Media training for the contestants. And we have learned…Ryan Seacrest does wear platforms, Casey Abrams is dating “your mom!” and there are bibs being sold with Pia’s name on them….so she should see about getting herself a lawyer when all this is over and start protecting her image.

 

Now, James, Jacob and Haley are up for judgment. Jacob, you are in the bottom three.

 

Your bottom three, America: Jacob, Pia and Stefano.

 

Oh, folks. Right here is where I apologize to ANYONE who watched this show. See, they invited a Real Live Rock n’ Roll hall of famer tonight. And, they brought in Iggy Pop. MY EYES!!!!! Skinny jeans, lank blond hair and TOPLESS is not my idea of a good time. Oh my dear, blessed eyes…I will miss you. He is shaking his hips like a silly barmaid (do you see a theme tonight? Sorry) and..oh my. Well, that’s that, then. Iggy Pop, y’all.

 

Now, let’s get serious. It’s time to say goodbye to one of our contestants. Right now.

 

After this break.

 

Jacob, you are safe.

 

The person leaving us tonight is…..Pia Toscano.

 

The judges are ticked. Jennifer is crying, and I think Randy almost said a naughty word on air. Her first time in the bottom three. Jennifer is “shocked and angry.” Randy is “gutted” and called her one of the best singers in the competition.

 

There will be no save, as there are none left. Pia, we are looking forward to your career. This is of little consolation to her right now, but it has been my observation that contestants that do NOT win fare much better than contestants that DO (Adam Lambert vs. Taylor Hicks comes to mind).

 

Pia, get out there and sing, with no rules, with no judges, with no themes. Go do your thing, girl.

 

Ryan is going to put her on the spot, and can’t let the evening end on a sad note. She chooses to sing I’ll Stand By You. (Girl, that’s not what I would choose. When I’m close to crying, nothing but a rockin’ ballad will do!)