Sunday Thoughts: Why Are We Here?

Today's Beehive lesson was a fun one for me. (At church, I teach the 12-13 year old girls every Sunday. It is an un-paid, volunteer position.) The topic I chose for today was Why Am I Here? February's focus is on the Plan of Salvation, or the plan that Heavenly Father gave us to help us safely navigate our way from His presence, through our mortal life, and back to Him. 

To start off the lesson, we made a list of ways people might answer that question had they never heard of the Plan of Salvation or learned about the gospel, and again using the lens of the gospel knowledge that we have. The first list had the usual suspects: We are here to make stuff, buy stuff, wear stuff, obtain stuff, and keep ourselves as physically attractive as possible. Once we changed the parameters, and answered the question with the Gospel in mind, the answers changed quite a bit. We are here to gain bodies, have trials, raise children, gain as much knowledge as we can, and follow all of the commandments. 

In the scriptures, we are told that we are here to have joy. To become like Heavenly Father. To be tested. The girls knew all these things, though I'm sure that their understanding of these rote answers will deepen as their lives carry them through the various experiences that test us and try us and make us into who we want to be. 

One of the most interesting parts of the lesson, to me, was when I brought up kids. We noted that people who don't have the Gospel might never have kids. It would ruin their figure. Kids would ruin their stuff. It takes a lot of time and money to raise munchkins. One little girl halfway raised her hand. "But what about population?!" Ah. My dear. What about all the work that has to be done? "Well, I will do it!" "And when you are gone?!" "..." 

Exactly. 7 years into this mothering gig, and my body will never be the same. Whatever competitive edge I had in the workforce straight out of college is now gone, small as it was. My hair is turning grey, and I'm barely in my 30's. I went through a period, when SJ was 3, where I had migraines. Daily. Just from the sheer frustration that resulted in trying to get that little monkey to follow simple directions. 

And I wouldn't change it for anything. Not anything. These kids are mine, and I love them fiercely. At the same time, though, I am here to work out my OWN salvation, not theirs. While raising them, and loving them, and nurturing them, I need to not lose sight of my own spirituality. I need to make sure I am taking the time to read my scriptures, finding quiet moments to ponder what I learn, and making sure I am in frequent communication with my Father in Heaven. Only then can I continue to play my part in the Plan. 

So. Those were my thoughts today. As long as this is my space for journaling, I thought I would get them down here! 

Sunday Thoughts

A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words...

On Sundays, I teach the 12-13 year old young women in our congregation. It is a fantastic blessing - I love sitting in that small room and hearing what those women have to say. This month, we have been talking about being Self-Reliant. Due to some scheduling conflicts, I was only able to be with the girls two Sundays out of the month of November. The first Sunday, we talked a bit about what it means to be self-reliant, and why that is important. (Of course, today, when I asked them what they remembered from that lesson, it sounded like I had instructed them in the fine art of Off the Grid Hermitage. Huh.) 

Today, we talked about how to get answers to problems in our lives. We talked about productive, and non-productive, ways to deal with adversity. I asked the girls to come up with some issues that they or their friends might be dealing with. Grades, family relationships, arguments, friendships. They came up with examples from the scriptures that could be used to offer guidance in those situations. We talked about great friendships from the scriptures, strong families, and feuds. Then we erased all those ideas, and we talked about "non-productive" ways to deal with the issues. Closing up, self-medicating, self-harming, drugs, alcohol. Things that seem so obviously bad on paper, in a church, but which might seem more appealing in a moment of pain or frustration. I encouraged the girls to make the decision now, in the safety of a quiet classroom, of how they would deal with life's disappointments. We talked about how to find the guidance we needed - scriptures, leaders, parents, general conference addresses from our prophet and apostles. (Also? The woman who helps me with these girls showed us something awesome today - the Ensign magazine, Friend magazine, and New Era are all available for free, inside Newstand on the iPad. You can download full-color versions of the magazine, instead of just the text-only version available on the Gospel Library app. Pretty sweet! You will be notified at the beginning of each new month when a new issue is available.) 

These girls are moving slowly, but surely, into adulthood. I am honored to help guide them on their way. 

Sunday Thoughts about Success, and What We Do

(One of my proudest moments of 2013 to date - the birth of Baby Ying Ying)

Last weekend, a woman was baptized, and today she had hands laid on her head and was confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in front of our congregation. Her son, who has been a member for two years and was ordained an Elder last weekend, gave the blessing. 

The blessing was short and sweet, and the woman and her soon looked very happy. She is a wonderful lady, and I am looking forward to getting to know her. 

I realized, though, as I was listening to the blessing, that there were two conflicting feelings or internal dialogues going on. On the one hand, it was absolutely precious that this son could introduce his mother to the gospel, and be there to confirm her a member - that he was able to be the one to lay his hands on her head. That they could now continue this journey together, and know that they had started it together. 

On the other hand, there is always the possibility that this decision won't "stick". I realize that is a horrible, horrible thing to say, but I served as a missionary when I was younger. I taught countless people, saw nearly 2 dozen of them go into the baptisimal font. Ten years later, I think there are a handful that still regularly attend services. Life happens, hearts change. You always hope, but..there it is. 

And then it struck me - the difference is her. There is no outside force that can take her testimony from her. No influence that can stop her from believing exactly as she does today. It is her testimony, her beliefs. She has the power to decide if today was the beginning of something wonderful, or just a lovely Sunday she spent with her son. And aren't most things like that? Every time we begin a journey, we get to make the choice - is it a one way trip? Or a round trip, back to where we started? 

For her, and for all of us, I hope we have the strength and faith to start on those journeys, and see them through. Keep going, through the storms and through the disappointments. To look for the joy and beauty along the way, to count our blessings and find the silver linings. Because life is a struggle, no matter how you serve it. That is the whole point of it, isn't it? To struggle, to prove we can stick it out, and to come out better human beings on the other side. Only to get down in the mud and wrestle through another thing. And another. 

Olga? Here's to you. And to all of us. May we find those journeys worth taking, and keep with it until we reach the places we need to be. And once we get there, to stand firm. Because we are worth it, and it is worth our time and energy. 

Sunday Thoughts

Well, all, it’s Sunday evening. My mind is full, and my time is short, so I thought I would just come over here and chat a few things out. Good?

 

On Friday evening, Lo Gung stayed with the kids and put them to bed so I could go to a choir rehearsal. The music is ambitious, to say the least, and will be grand as soon as everyone learns their notes. There is an orchestra involved. I auditioned for a solo. Afterwards, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some supplies for a party on Saturday, and spent about 15 minutes chatting with a very polite young “tramper.” He jumps trains and hitchhikes up and down the west coast, with his dog Toby, following the warm weather. He wanted to come home with me so he could take a shower. “Ma’am, do you believe in adoption? Will you adopt me and take me home so I can have a shower?” Yeah, it sounds weird on paper, and my answer was a very polite ‘no’, but he had run across me several times in the grocery store and complimented my coat. I love that coat. I got home, and reveled in the fact that I had had a night as “me.” I used to spend all my time doing music, between my music major, university choirs, and several church choirs. It was nice to go back to that.

 

On Saturday, I spent all morning baking, prepping and procuring last-minute ingredients for a party on Saturday afternoon. In the afternoon, several friends came over, some with kids, and we all tried a new product I had been asked to review. I loved it. I had a house full of people, eating food that I had made, and enjoying themselves. I was surrounded by pockets of conversation and laughter. It reminded me of back in high school and college, throwing murder mystery dinners or having parties just because I wanted to make a complicated cake. It was nice to go back to that.

 

On Saturday evening, directly after the party, I ran off to church where I was part of Stake Conference. Our church is divided, geographically, into wards. A group of wards is then grouped into a stake. Stake Conference is held once a year and is a time for everyone to come together in one big meeting. Saturday night is for the adults, and is generally more pointedly a training session. (Sunday’s meeting focused on Christian Service, Missionary Work, Forgiveness and Repentance. Normal sermon stuff.) Anyhow, I was asked to be part of a small group of speakers talking about social media. The first, Brother Hawkins, gave a multi-media presentation on www.Mormon.org. It is a website the church has set up for people who don’t want pressure…just some questions answered. (Because, when the topic of Mormons comes up, questions are SURE to follow.) There’s an area where members of the church can set up profiles. Mine is in there. The second speaker, J. Stapley, is a very prolific blogger. He runs two large blogs with multiple contributors. I was the final speaker of the group, and gave a 10 minute presentation on how easy it is to 1) start a blog and 2) make it obvious that you are a member of a church. (It always kills me when I meet somebody who has had questions for years that somebody could have answered…if only that person had realized that so and so was Mormon. Like I said, questions follow our church like hornets on jell-o.) (And see? Now y’all are QUITE clear on the fact that I’m a Mormon. I promise this isn’t a sermon, I’m just processing all the events of the weekend. And it? Was a CHURCH FILLED weekend, y’all. Lots of church.)

 

I came home from the meeting totally energized, and geeking out. Before our presentations, I had a chance to chat with Brother Stapley and Brother Hawkins. (We’re all Sister X or Brother Y in our church. Heh. You can call me Sister LoLo. Some people actually do, after they find my blog…) Anyhow, during our chat I realized that we knew some of the same people. We knew the same slang and jargon (Bloggernacle, anybody?). It was amazing to have that conversation. Brother Stapley is insanely intelligent, and runs a bloggy empire. And we were having a conversation, as equals. That is energizing. It felt like a little bloggy conference, and I loved it. I loved feeling smart, and not getting blank stares when I talked about my blog. I loved being valued for something that I did, not something that I did for my kids.

 

On Sunday morning, it was time for a final choir rehearsal before we sang at the Sunday meeting of stake conference. And you know what? I was tired. I had a lot of fun this weekend being this or that…and by today, I was so ready to be Mom again. My babies were crazy from two nights of mom-less bed times, and were not ready to see me head out the door as soon as they got up. And so…I didn’t. I got myself dressed, got them breakfast, and then got them dressed. I totally missed the rehearsal. We all went together to the meeting an hour later, and I headed up towards the choir seats while Lo Gung took the kids off to a room where they could listen without disturbing the more reverent members of the (now HUGE) congregation. As I scooted into my seat, a man in the tenor section was laughing at me. “Hello! Did you miss the memo on the time change???! haha” He looked like a nice man, but I didn’t know him. “Haha, no, sir. I had a four year old and a two year old who couldn’t do without Mommy this morning.” Suddenly, his smile was gone and his eyes went wide. “I…I take it all back. You’re doing just fine.” And I knew that he meant it.

 

This is a time in my life that I will never get back. I adore my kids, and I love the stages that they are in. Ming Wai is Princess this and Fairy that. Everything is pink, purple and frilly. She loves cupcakes, and she loves helping me with any chores, so long as she can work by my side. She’s learning to tell jokes, and is just so sweet. Siu Jeun is my little Dude. He loves cars, and trucks. Last night, I snuck into his room to give him a kiss, and he stood straight up in his bed and started pacing around. “Pow! Pow! Boom!” Then he lay down and went right back to sleep. (He was either dreaming about car crashes…or The Black Eyed Peas.) I will never get this time back, and this is what I choose. Some days seem so long, but I am finally understanding that each stage in their lives is precious. I’m glad that this is where we are now, and what we are able to do.