Learning to say "oops"

(Shocked baby is...shocked)

Yesterday, I posted this query to my facebook friends:

Question 1: What is a "strong willed child", to you. 
Question 2: How do you help a strong willed child to learn to graciously follow rules, without rising to the bait and getting angry at them?

I got some great responses, but one in particular stood out to me. Basically, a friend of mine told me that she WAS that child. The one who could never admit to being in the wrong, either through pride or the simple and utter belief that she was RIGHT. She said also that, looking back, the best thing her parents could have done for her would be to come back after every disagreement and apologize for any thing they could think of. Any tiny thing. All the tiny things. Apologize, and ask the child how they can improve so that arguments don't happen again. And then sit back and listen.

That really struck me. Since the birth of my first child, I have sincerely agonized over teaching my children to speak Chinese. It ought to be simple - both Lo Gung and I are fluent! But it is difficult to remember to speak it around the kids - I have to make up a lot of phrases, because nobody ever taught me how to say "go to your room" or "come here so I can tie your shoes". However, want to know what's really easy to say?  "Please speak Chinese!", every time I hear Lo Gung or the kids speaking in English. How's that for fair, eh? It took me years, but I finally realized that if I were to speak Chinese as often as I possibly could, I would be much more likely to a) get Chinese in response from Lo Gung and b) get the grammar and vocabulary of the language rubbed into my kids' heads. So, basically, all I can control is me, and I can do my best to model the behavior I want.

Umm. Duh.

So, when my friend said that a parent ought to return to their strong willed child and apologize, then ask for feedback, lights went off in my head. If I want my child to learn to be humble and admit that they are wrong, they have to see how to do it!

Now, cut to tonight. Want to hear a funny story? Here goes:

Once upon a time there was a lady who put wet clothes into the dryer on Friday afternoon and forgot to turn it on. On Saturday night, her dryer, and all of her clean clothes, smelled like stinky gym socks.

The end.

Lo Gung realized something was off when he opened the dryer and found it wet. Two things that shouldn't go together, eh? Then the smell hit him. And I heard this question floating down the hall. "Uh, honey?? When did you put these clothes in the dryer??" "Hmm...yeseterday?" "Yesterday??! Come here and smell this..." (He threw all of the clothes back into the wash and ran a "steam refresh" cycle on the dryer. First time we've used that button...I suppose it's supposed to be to refresh clothes, but let's not quibble over details.)

The kids could hear all of this.

I went back to their rooms, where we were in the middle of reading bedtime stories, yesterday's facebook discussion on my mind. "Huh. I really messed up. I put all the wet clothes into the dryer, and forgot to turn it on! Now they all smell horrible, and Daddy is washing them again."

And that was that. Let it never be said I can't take one for the team! Finding things to apologize for is difficult. Not because I never make mistakes (HA! *snort*) but because...well, I really REALLY like to be right. Especially with my kids. Which...is probably what got us into this mess in the first place. *facepalm*